Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
