just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
