Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
