I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
are you so shy because you have an std?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
