I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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