Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
