bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
