I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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