Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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