If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Damn victory sex feels great
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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