i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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