I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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