Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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