I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
