I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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