I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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