i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
