Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize