I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
