i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
