I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
