Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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