I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize