it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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