He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
