wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
