First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
