11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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