i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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