Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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