video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
