So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
