Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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