The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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