I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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