Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
