Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize