the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
