my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
