whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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