That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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