don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize