apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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