I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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