Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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