rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
