Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize