I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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