wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
