Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
