at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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