I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize