One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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