So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
