God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
