Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
