I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
