well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
