he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
