So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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