Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your penis caused this!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
