she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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