thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize