my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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