Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize