you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
