Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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