With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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