Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
