Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
