I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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