I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
