I'm so fucking centered right now
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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