I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
not ubering you a puppy
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