I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Randomize
